Post #3 Are Dating Apps just a Marketplace for Sex?

What are dating apps truly marketing?

Not that I’m old, but when I was ready to date, it was as simple as going out with your friends and meeting new and exciting people and that could lead to dating or relationships. Our pastime consisted of happily chatting with our love interest on the phone for hours, while checking if our mums were listening to our conversations on the other line.

Today I feel the opposite about dating. The actual word makes me want to vomit. Could it be because these days the apps encourage us to commodify our bodies and pass superficial judgments based solely on appearances in a quest for self-validation? True validation could only be found through introspection and authentic connections, which can often falsely elude us into the world of online dating.

I read an article that suggests, ‘apps like Hinge operate by materialising on the worst urges and desires of the individual,’ I found myself in agreement, contemplating on the very essence of this issue. From my personal experience, every time I interacted with the opposite sex on dating apps, I felt like a piece of my soul was torn apart. I began questioning my ethics and moral values and became increasingly disappointed by the values of others who believed hiding behind the anonymity of an app gave them the freedom to express their darkest fantasies. But the bigger question is if these individuals are the same ones who would speak up on such fantasies in real life?

I have a friend who used a dating app specifically designed for casual meetups, where she said she had a great time without any remorse. This made me wonder why my reaction to such experiences is so adverse. Is it because I struggle to conform to the ‘modern dating’ norms, or am I simply on a different path to her when it comes to pursuing meaningful connections?

There is no denying that dating apps can be toxic. People who navigate them successfully and emerge with genuine relationships, even marriages, are superhumans in my eyes.

The new digitalised generation of swiping left or right on the dating apps has twisted the concept of sexual revolution, by exploiting it in order to justify their individualistic selfish means. However, some might argue what dating apps have created is freedom of choice and flexibility and as such it means we have to conform to this algorithm created reality. In my attempt to be deliberately self-deprecating and self-aware, some of my past online interactions have left me feeling worthless and guilty of fulfilling my own needs and desires, while leaving me with a sense of shallowness and lack of meaningful authentic connections.

'Roughly seven-in-ten online daters believe it is very common for those who use these platforms to lie to try to appear more desirable.’ The same research confirms that Americans who have used a dating site or app in the past year say the experience left them feeling more frustrated (45%) than hopeful (28%). ‘The research states that, 60% of female users ages 18 to 34 have said that someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, while more than 57% have reported they have been sent a sexually explicit message or image that they didn’t ask for. On a positive note, 12% of adults have reported that they have married or are in a committed relationship with someone they met through an online dating app.’

A decade after Tinder was released, long-term online users of dating apps have expressed that this activity was harming their mental health.

While I definitely have fatigue from online dating, I want to hear from you.

Are dating apps just a marketplace for sex?

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Photo credit Biljana Boglevska Grbevska

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