Post #1: Why, Dating Apps?

Going through a divorce is probably like going through a funeral. I bet you've heard of that one before! Not only are you mourning the marriage, but you are simultaneously burying your old self and your ex!

I have spent the better part of two years pointing the finger at myself and others for what was once called my marriage and why it fell apart. I remember the countless hours in therapy; reading books like "Buddism for Break-ups" (not paid advertisement I promise), and looking for answers as to what happened to me in those eight years of marriage. I eventually found myself exploring the web for a loneliness cure and decided to download a dating app.

People nowadays have so many options to choose from: casual sex, romantic love, casual dating or even friendship all at the click of a button. Unfortunately, online dating apps brought with them a license for people to behave badly. The famous expression ‘swipe right’ also came with the threat of abuse, ghosting, infidelity, bullying, and unwarranted explicit behavior. After a few weeks of chatting online, I had someone telling me that they are controlling as a person and their tone of voice became intimidating. That happened a day before we were supposed to meet. Needless to say, I have blocked and deleted the online user.

Online dating apps are a place of many options and addiction-inspiring algorithms. Let's start with Tinder. Tinder is the most popular online dating app. Statistics show that an average user is on it for 11 minutes per day. This app is the most downloaded app in the world and in 2020, at the heart of the pandemic, it had three billion swipes in a single day. It's reassuring to know I'm not the only lonely single mother in this world (insert smiling emoji here). And while at first, it seemed like innocent fun, I quickly realised that people are being promiscuous on these apps. I had people ghosting me, sending me explicit photos of some body parts I really didn't wish to see, asking me to go over to their house, saying some weird things and even appearing to be somewhat different when you meet them in person.

The constant ghosting and complete dismissal of your emotional being and online presence left me extremely disappointed, empty, depressed and ''allergic'' to this type of communication. It also made me think of how much people invest in their online persona. I asked myself questions such as, what are people hiding when online? What do they really reveal about themselves? What are they afraid to reveal?

Putting yourself out there in the unknown is very daunting and scary. You are exposed to judgement, sexual harassment, bullying and if you are lucky, finding a good match. I personally never realised how much it affected me until I deleted all the apps.

Writing this makes me happy knowing that the feeling of wariness, anxiousness and fatigue have been slowly disappearing as I'm appreciating living life in the present moment.

I wonder if that bad behavior is equally as prominent if someone interacts with you in the real world?

What are your experiences with dating apps? I would love to hear from you!

Photo credit: Biljana Boglevska Grbevska

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